God rarely speaks to me through sermons. If He wants my attention, He usually gets to me with something I’m reading, through a conversation with a friend, or in a thought that pops into my head while I’m out in Creation.
However, as we are so often reminded, God can’t be put in a box. So, as is in His nature, this afternoon He did use a sermon. At the ordination service Bishop Matt was talking about how sometimes God calls us to move forward. Sometimes God tells us to stay put. And sometimes we are asked to backtrack.
Since I graduated I have constantly second guessed if I am doing what God wants me to do. I mean, right now I’m nannying. Nannying. I have a BA and I am a nanny.
I’ve always known God is going to do something with that Spanish degree, that’s why I got it. I switched from environmental engineering to Spanish. That was a tough decision that many people were not at all happy about, but God has used it in little ways.
But I keep wondering if He’ll use it more.
So do other people.
But one evening last summer I remember sitting out on the Froelichs' deck eating dinner with Jerrie. I expressed my frustration that I had no idea where my life was headed, that I just wanted God show me where I was going. Jerrie reassuringly said, “You’ll know. He'll be clear. It will be obvious.” I took comfort in that, but I still felt uneasy… that my job, while it pays the bills with savings and some play money leftover, wasn’t really achieving everything I could be doing.
In November I was elected to the SFMC Board. That gave affirmation. But being the skeptic I am I got into a debate with myself over whether I was blessed in that way because I really should still be here or if it was because God gave me free will He couldn’t make me listen so He decided to use me some more here.
But today at Annual Conference as I listened to Bishop Matt talk about how God calls us, I was struck with this clear sense that when God wants me to move, He’ll move me. When He calls me, I’ll know. He’ll make it clear to me. For now, God wants me here in Western Washington, at Shoreline Free Methodist. To do what, I don’t know. But there is a sense of comfort in knowing that I am still in His perfect plan. I haven’t cried tears of joy in a while, but I felt them streaming down at that service.
I have the peace of knowing that this is where I’m supposed to be. And that when God wants me to take a step forward, He’ll say so. Maybe tomorrow, maybe in several years, maybe in a decade. If He'll move mountains, He'll move me. For now I'm going to enjoy climbing those mountains.
From Frederick Buechner: “The place where God calls you is where your deep gladness meets the world’s deep hunger”
