Experiencing, not Proving God

Running out the door a few weeks ago I grabbed The Great Divorce off my bookshelf. Finding time to read, and having read the book more times than can I can count on one hand, I picked a page at random. My fingers slid to chapter 5, the chapter where the Anglican Ghost is talking to an old friend. The Ghost had no idea that he hadn't been in Heaven. He even had a “Theological Society” down there he needed to return to so he could read a paper on some new theological idea he’d come up with. As he talked with this old friend from the High Countries he couldn’t accept that he hadn't been in Heaven. What the proud Ghost had done was replace God with theology.

I’ve found that when I read too much “theology” I lose track of God. How easy it is to get wrapped up in studying God, so much so that I forget to follow. As I have heard it, Lewis came to God trying to prove He didn't exist. But for Lewis the evidence for God became insurmountable. I wonder if Lewis struggled with this… wanting so much to show others that God exists that he sometimes would lose track what it means to follow God.

I wonder if this is why he dedicated so much of his exploration on Heaven and Hell to this idea.

A few chapters later, “Said the Teacher with a piercing glance, ‘…there have been men before now who got so interested in proving the existence of God that they came to care nothing for God Himself… as if the good Lord had nothing to do but exist!’”

In high school while I was on staff for the student paper one of the opinion editors wrote on why they were an atheist. Frustrated, I countered with an article detailing why I believed in God. I was very proud of that article.

But when the paper came back from the press my response hadn’t been run, not only to my chagrin but also to that of several other staff members. Some reporters actually got mad at the opinion editors, who had claimed there wasn’t space for my article. I’m not bitter (anymore) but… in the process of writing the article, I realized I wasn’t so much focused on God, rather I was focused on the idea of God.

What I had sought to do was prove that I was right. I was trying to defend how I think, what I believe, but I wasn’t necessarily seeking God nor growing closer to God in the process.

I’m not so convinced anymore that God needs defending, rather that He needs to be experienced, and then loved and followed.

“It is not the objective proof of God’s existence that we want but the experience of God’s presence.” –Frederick Buechner