Your Will, Not Mine

"Whom have I in Heaven but You? And earth has nothing I desire besides you," wrote the psalmist.

The desire to crave God. That He is more than enough, but that we cannot get enough of Him.

Desperate that our lives be bound up in His will.

I think most who follow Christ have been there at some point, probably several times. One of those mountaintop moments.

And yet our gaze lowers oh so easily. We look away. Our eyes set upon lesser things. Our minds crave our wants. We become determined to realize our own desires and dreams. Our motivations become misdirected.

Jesus prayed in Gesthemene that God not make him go through with it. Betrayed, beaten, scorned, denied, deserted and nailed to a cross. I mean really, who would wantingly endure that? But he ended his prayer with, “Yet not what I will, but what you will.” (Mark 14:36)

We pray, “Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.”

But as those words fall off our lips, do they enter our souls? Do we crave God’s will to be done here, in our lives, in our churches, our communities, nation and world?

From the Common Book of Prayer:

Almighty God, unto Whom all hearts be open, all desires known, and from Whom no secrets are hid: Cleanse the thoughts of our hearts by the inspiration of Thy Holy Spirit, that we may perfectly love Thee, and worthily magnify Thy holy Name: through Christ our Lord. Amen.

God knows what we want. The secret desires of our hearts. We can’t hide.

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. (From Psalm 139)

To the bottom of the ocean? He’s there. To the furthest star? He’s there.

But we can ignore when He tells us what He wants. And we do. Especially when what He wants isn’t the same as what we want.

Corporately at my church we’ve been in a season of anticipation. Praying for what we’ve been sensing… that God is doing something new. Last Wednesday we had a prayer service (where I picked up the Psalm 73 and Common Book of Prayer quotes... like I could have come up with those on my own) and we prayed for God's will to be done at our little church. And God is doing new things! It is so wonderful watching Him work and being a part of it.

And I’ve sensed the same thing in my own life… that God is going to move. That something new and unprecedented is coming.

But I also sense that I need to give God room to move. I can’t limit Him by refusing to surrender my desires. I won’t know what He will be able to do until I’ve submitted myself completely to His will.

I wonder what we’re holding back. What’s keeping God from moving in our hearts? Why do we want to sit on His throne?

I’m afraid of surrendering because I could lose what I want. If I let God on the throne, my selfish desires won’t be realized. And I always think I know what's best for me. And for others.

But how much more will I hurt if I refuse to give all to God?

“God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains. It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world,” wrote C.S. Lewis.

If we keep running from our Lover, not only do we break His heart constantly, but we ourselves who were created to be in a relationship with Him get hurt.

Hold everything in your hands lightly, otherwise it hurts when God pries your fingers open. -Corrie ten Boom

Unfortunately, what I know to be true in my head and soul doesn't always transfer over to what my heart desires and what my actions disclose. Genuinely wanting God's will to be done not mine is such a struggle. A war I will no doubt be fighting my entire life.